If You Think Gomer Pyle Is Funny Then Youll Love

As Gomer Pyle on either "The Andy Griffith Show" or "Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.," it took Jim Nabors four syllables, minimum, to say "Golly." Remember? Probably took the stuttering singer/songwriter M-M-M-Mel Tillis about eight.

Shazam.

But when they sang, all the hayseed and the stutters melted away, and what kicked in was what was inside that had to come out, all rhythmic and pretty. Good for the soul.

Nabors was a wonderful baritone and actor. Tillis was a stud singer, entertainer and, most prolifically, an underrated songwriter. Mel Tillis was a country songwriting stud.

Hurt me that they both recently passed. Each was a surprise but not a shock. Mel Tillis was 85, Jim Nabors, 87. Jim Nabors had a perfect name; you'd like for him to be your neighbor.

Crushed.

Quickly, the Top Five Songs/Moments from each.

First, the Top Five Mels:

5. "Coca-Cola Cowboy": This was more about a time, from the "Every Which Way But Loose" movie. It is not a classic country song, but it fit the 1980s.

4. "Your Body Is An Outlaw": He didn't write it but it was No. 3 on the charts in 1980. This lady he was singing about was "stealing from my soul." You'll have that now and then. Not a good thing. The more I listened to it back in the day, the more scared it made me.

3. "Send Me Down To Tucson": This was when Mel was his hottest, what with this No. 2-on-the-charts list and being in movies with Clint Eastwood and whatnot. One of this song's co-writers was Snuff Garrett; think Snuff was his real name? Me either.

2. "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town": The Kenny Rogers cut is the best that I've heard, but Mel's is solid. And Mel wrote it. My favorite that he wrote. "Detroit City," a smash for Bobby Bare, is second.

1."What Did I Promise Her Last Night": Words and presentation etc., it's Mel's best.

Now Gomer. I was not big on Jim Nabors' style of singing, although he was the bomb dot com and all. The guy could belt. But as Gomer, I loved to hear him sing. And talk.

5. From "Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.," Sgt. Carter makes Gomer put a mop bucket on is head to help him think, or as Gomer says, "thank."

4. The rest are from "The Andy Griffith Show," like when Gomer goes out on a date with Thelma Lou's cousin. Gomer dancing is not to be missed.

3. Gomer introducing Andy to Goober. Women are involved. Priceless.

2. Gomer has Barney ticketed on a "Citizen's Arrest!:

Gomer trying to explain to an out-of-towner, whose car is broken down on a Sunday in no-work-on-Sunday Mayberry, that the car has eight cylinders: "She's an 8-cylinder; she'll take 8." I miss him more every day.

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This has little to do with Jim Nabors or Mel Tillis except, considering what a wonderful sense of humor each had, they would have loved this.

The greatest headline I know of (that we can print in a family newspaper, and some of my favorites are oops! moments that were not intended to be funny and tacky but were) was written by a copy editor and word wiz named Vincent A. Musetto. He died in the summer of 2015, four years after retiring from a 41-year career of "newspapering" at the New York Post.

Following a horrific crime in Queens, he wrote this — and it perfectly fit the crime as the owner of a strip club was decapitated — to top the reporter's story for the front page of the Post's April 15, 1983 edition: "Headless Body in Topless Bar."

Pretty good headline. Even thought it has the word "headless" in the headline. Irony?

Unlike today, New Jack City was a tough place to get around in 30 years ago. Mighty risky. But you could always depend on the Post for solid headlines.

But I offer modern-day runner-up. It's not "Headless Body in Topless Bar," but it's not bad. Especially for a place that is much more rural.

Here is the story's lead, from the Associated Press:

"FORT WALTON BEACH, Fla. (AP) — An opossum that apparently drank bourbon after breaking into a Florida liquor store sobered up at a wildlife rescue center and was released unharmed."

The story reads that a local Fort Walton Beach police officer brought the opossum into headquarters after an employee "found the animal next to a broken and empty bottle of bourbon."

Either Wishtv.com, where I saw the story, or the Associated Press wrote the crafty headline:

"Possum breaks into liquor store and gets drunk as a skunk"

Headline kudos.

An Emerald Coast Wildlife Refuge technician said the possum "definitely wasn't acting fully normal," whatever that is for a possum, and that she "appeared disoriented." They gave her an IV and she sobered up. "She did not appear to have a hangover," the technician said.

The story did not say whether or not the possum was underage.

Not the best ever headline, but as our late friend Mel Tillis would say, "Not b-b-b-bad." Or as Gomer would say, "Shazam."

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Source: https://www.shreveporttimes.com/story/news/local/blogs/2017/12/09/two-headliners-b-b-brought-us-much-joy/930405001/

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